I have officially passed my first year of Motherhood 201. I guess I can say Motherhood 101 was self-study, through observing the upbringing of all my sister's children, reading a bunch of child-rearing books, and just plain old babysitting. But I will never forget my first ritual into Motherhood, exactly one year ago, when I woke up early on a cold Wednesday morning, and I knew it was time.
After a few hours of pure horror and agony, my beautiful baby girl finally arrived into the world, and we named her Hana. I was so happy. Little did I know, I had a lot coming for me. I never knew so much joy could also bring so much pain. Such a cliche, but so true. And I'm not talking about labor pain, because that pain is nothing compared to what a woman will experience for the first year of her child's life. I'm talking about those painful late nights when you've been up for so long and are so extremely tired that you don't know what time of day it is, let alone what day or month you are in. The pain of feeling like a failure, when you just can't seem to get your house or life under control like you used to. Or, the pain that you feel when you return to work, and you yearn to just hold your baby girl and smell her sweet smell.
Becoming a mother took a toll on me physically, emotionally, financially, and also took a huge toll on my marriage. But, being a mother has made me a stronger person. It has given me the best experiences of my life. In the last month, I've seen Hana go from baby girl to toddler, crawling, walking, feeding herself and holding her bottle. Just these little accomplishments make me so happy and so proud to be a Mom.
These last 12 months have been the most challenging 12 months I've ever experienced. But through it all, I've learned that to be a Mother is to be strong, humble, under-appreciated, overworked, unpaid, caring, forgiving and loving all at the same time. And this is something you will never learn until becoming a Mother yourself. When we get together to celebrate Hana's Birthday this weekend, not only will I be celebrating her first year of life, I'll also be celebrating my first year of accomplishments and my first official year of Motherhood.
